Sunday, July 20, 2008
I am having very mixed emotions about moving into this stage of my life. Pierce turned 30 last year and had a harder time with it than I thought he would. So, for the last 9 months I've also been thinking about turning 30 and what it means to me. My friend Rebecca couldn't wait to turn 30 because she said her 20's were so tumultuous that she thought her 30's would be more settled and she liked that. I can see her point; in your 20's you get married, start having babies, finish school, move wherever the job is, leave your family, etc. In your 30's your husband usually has a good job, you're used to being a mom, you just kind of flow. But, lets look at the other side of things. In your 20's you get married, have babies, finish school, have few enough responsibilities that you can lay out at the pool for a whole day without watching any kids, leave for a road trip at the drop of a hat, whatever. Don't you remember all those things with fondness? I definitely do. And, what do you do in your 30's? You live the thankless job of raising toddlers, and time passes so quickly that you don't even know what day it is.
So, the conclusion I have come to is this. I don't want to go back. I have a wonderful life and I love my husband, my kids, our life. But, at the same time I am sad to leave that place in my life behind. We will never be the free spirited 20 somethings we were; we will be the responsible 30 somethings we couldn't wait to be. I feel like I'm saying goodbye to the 29 year old Jennifer and hello to the person my children will remember me as. It's bittersweet.